-- Download Better Homes & Bomb Shelters as PDF --
Hallowe’en is fast approaching, and the eerie spectre of a potential Romney election win is casting a pall over the southern horizon.
How does a prudent real estate speculator in the United States prepare for the twin threats of roving zombie hordes and political implosion?
Bomb shelters, naturally.
As a certified real estate professional gawking from afar, I found myself wondering just how difficult it would be for our friends in the US of A to locate an abode with a cozy little bunker of one’s own? A piece of land that would offer both the pleasing aesthetics Cold War sensibility, and offer the luxurious atmosphere of hunkering down in a swanky bomb-proof Hobbit Hole with some freeze-dried Velveeta! The last time that I consulted MLS, there was no check box to delineate properties that offered up bomb shelters as a priority feature. The good news, Children of Uncle Sam: if you seek, you shall find.
(**Note: All property descriptions below the photographs are as they appear in the listing. I have not changed them for my own amusement.**)
PROPERTY 1 – For the desert militia man!
What do the sellers have to say to entice us?
“For Sale $625,000 Cave Creek AZ, United States
home 4 bedrooms 4 bathrooms 4,874ft²
***not A short sale or bank owned****
”they just don’T build them like they use too” . Remodeled and up-dated.
This home was built with very high construction standards which included Real Block and Stone,can you believe even a Bomb Shelter”
PROPERTY 2 – Off the grid, off the hook!
How can you say no to the crypt-like appeal? You can’t. Not for $65K!
“We have for sale a property in Texas, between Greenville and Wolfe City, approximately 3.5 acres. It is on a county road, at the top of a hill.
It has an underground building which was originally designed as a bomb shelter in 1982, complete with a gravity-fed water supply from cisterns above which collect rain, a working toilet and shower and septic tank, and wood-burning stove. Attached to this building is an above ground building which is essentially a screened porch.There is a storage building for tools and equipment, plus various barns and livestock pens.”
Property 3 – In love with a fall out in New Jersey!
“For Sale $124,900
Burlington 08016, NJ, United States
home 3 bedrooms 1 bathrooms
Original owned home with a bedroom addition all as is there is two sheds on this property but one shed houses the entrance to a unique actual Bomb Shelter.”
Property 4 – Get wet and wild in a Washington underground!
“Beautiful brick home with 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 2 fireplaces, family room with 3392 square feet.
Hardwood floors, newer roof, vinyl windows, birch cabinets, hutch and trim. Recently updated gas boiler, radiant heat.
Radon tested and mitigated. Hot tub in bomb shelter below garage plus additional storage in basement.
Outbuilding makes great shop/pool house combo. Full basement with family/rec room. Double lot with in-ground pool.
Beautiful lot in great neighborhood. Everyone will love. $275,000.”
Property 5 – Benevolent buddy bonding! Spacious and roomy in Georgia. Never worry about leaving your closest pals out in the cold.
“Ready To Step Back In Time? Located At Abbotts Bridge (120) And Albion Farm Offer In Town Living With Estate Charm.
4.35 Acres With 101 Pecan Trees, Absolute Perfect Condition. Block Walls, Brick Exterior, Partial Finished Basement With Bomb Shelter Seating For 20 Of Your Best Friends.
Secondary Caretakers House, Well Water, And Septic Tank. Potential Use – Commercial, Residential, Quite Estate In The Middle Of Duluth.”
I recently completed a real property appraisal course, and was regaled with information about property features that increase the value of a property, and those that devalue it. We covered water frontage, “haunted” and stigmatized homes, peculiar features that date the house and are no longer desirable in the current market, commercial influences etc. I did not, however, learn how to appraise a property with a bomb shelter present, and wonder whether it is a selling feature that increases your value, or a dud? While real estate sales people are provided with ways and means of determining value of outbuildings and non-chattel property features like pools, how does one measure and apply real market value to a hole under your home?
Here’s hoping that Canadians never have to deign to find out.
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Tia is a mystery, wrapped in an enigma and covered in a crunchy candy coating of genuine British Columbian snark. She is currently exiled to Winnipeg for an unknown duration of time.
2 thoughts on “Better Homes & Bomb Shelters”
this is awesome, and spooky.
i’d like to see another version of this piece where you DO actually “fix” the write-ups for your own amusement.
I fixed the write-ups in my head, and had a lot of snarky things to comment on about general education levels of the writers. However, I didn’t like the layout, so I went with KISS and left it as simple as my snark-covered self could possibly handle.